It is human nature to grasp and cling to something that feels so important to us.
Every now and then, we dance with thoughts about the past.
We define ourselves in relation to a person, a thing or a place.
Very often, we unknowingly intertwine our lives with others only to find it so hard to unwind from those threads that bind.
The problem with being attached is that it causes significant pain once things change like the end of a relationship, loss of material possessions, or relocation.
Letting go of attachment is really opening up yourself to possibilities and to the realization that you are whole, complete and OK just as you are.
A sure way to become overwhelmed, consumed and lost is having a flawed perception or definition of who you are.
Most people define themselves so narrowly and tie their identity to people, things or places. What happens when you have to divorce or separate from the person whom you have tied your identity to? What happens when you have to move to another city for work when you identify yourself so much with your neighborhood or city? Remember the magnificence of who you are, and be ‘you’. After all, why deprive the world of your uniqueness?
Work on untangling your identity from other people or things—people will change and things will come to an end. Do you really want to ground who you are on such fleeting and constantly changing entities?
You can be separate and unbound while still loving your partner, your toys and gadgets and your city or country.
Staying open to making more friends and fostering more relationships can diffuse your focus from just one single relationship to other possible connections.
One reason why people breed toxic relationships is that they have such few connections that they become overly attached to the single relationship they have.
Put yourself in situations that allow you to meet other people. This gives your close relationships space to breath and thrive, so no one is suffocating the other.
The miracle of opening yourself to other people is that it makes you treasure your close relationship instead of trying to grasp on the relationships in fear of losing them.
Take up new challenges like travelling to other cities or countries to gain new perspectives. You will find that other places have a lot to offer and you do not have to be stuck to your neighborhood or city.
How do you make sense of events or circumstances? Your narrative will greatly impact on your interpretation of the past and the present.
A ‘victim’ narrative will easily keep you hooked to your past, leading to anxiety, stress and depression. No matter how disappointing or painful the past was, changing the way you interpret those events can help you break ties with that past. You are not a victim. You are a hero. You are taking the journey of your life-time to wherever you want to go. It’s your choice how magical (or how miserable) the destination is.
In place of your victim narrative, replace it with an empowering one that allows you to see the lessons learnt from your past experiences. A new narrative lets you make peace with the past so you can live in the present moment.
The past is gone, the future cannot be predicted with any real certainty and hasn’t arrived yet. Living in the now is your music, and you can dance to it until your heart is content.
Few of us wholly accept uncertainty. Often, we seek to know what the future holds—we manipulate, trick, plan and fuss over what could be and how it should be.
Life in itself is uncertain. What looks like a stable job today could be lost tomorrow; a blissful relationship today could end up in loss tomorrow. This is not a negative attitude, it’s a realistic and practical one.
Fighting against the inherent uncertainty of life causes us to become feverishly attached to people or things for fear of losing them in future.
Accepting the reality of uncertainty opens you up to the possibility of loss, transitions and endings so when these events happen you are able to gracefully handle them. Letting go, allows you to become free.
You don’t have to know what will happen to your job status or relationship in the future. Fully embrace what you have now. Savour every moment, and feel the gratitude for uncertainty – all of which creates the wonderful person you are.
Letting go and breaking free of attachment is not a one-day affair, a one-off event. Rather, it is a day by day, moment by moment deliberate act of being aware of your need to cling, grip, hold too tightly. Catching yourself getting too attached allows you to immediately change your attitude from attachment to non-attachment.
You are beautiful. You are enough – and you thrive when you are being ‘you’.
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